Believing in my Body

I am just about to embark on 'serious' training for the Lakeland 50 at the end of July. This is the British Ultra Championships. Its a serious race with an elite field and over 9,000ft of climbing over 50 miles. I have spent the last few days creating horrendous training ideas to improve my strength both in ascending and descending. I am excited to get back in hard core, cant get legs to go upstairs, will just sleep on the sofa, kind of training. I learnt a lot from the SDW and am also really pleased that with my manic life I recovered quite quickly and am now back running fairly fluidly, just lacking a bit of bounce. You forget how fit you get in the few weeks leading up to a race and also how much damage and recovery time you need after smashing yourself for 50 miles. I ha vent pushed myself to run or train hard at all. I tend to use my energy/patience levels with the kids as a gauge, if I want to lock myself in the downstairs cupboard and hide by 7am I still need more rest!

So I want to get faster and I want to get stronger. I am a qualified running coach, triathlon coach and personal trainer. I have a sports degree, 12 years of teaching experience. I coach lots of people of different ages, abilities and dreams.  But, when it comes to coaching myself, I am too often unrealistic, unrespectful of my own personal life and asking the absolute maximum of myself. One of the things I began to think about was my power to weight ratio, whether if I lost half a stone the uphills would be slightly easier and running faster off the top even quicker? I mentioned it to my husband who immediately scorned the idea. Your weight is not the issue. Your power and strength is your talent. You need to look at fuelling your machine better, rather than how you are going to deprive it. (Those were not his words, his reply was far too rude to type, but it was along those lines!). Over the SDW I took a total of 4 gels, a packet of shot bloks and a piece of fruit loaf. That is not enough to fuel any machine. I know that. But it does show that my body and mind has an amazing capacity to work on fumes, but that's because I have trained it to work on fumes. This is going to be no use to me half way round the 50. I need to become in the words of James Elson 'a human dustbin.' So I'm working on it. Stuffing down more food when training, before training, after training. Teaching my gut to run whilst also digesting, rather than running till my gut cramps because it is hungry and empty.
Lakeland

I have had a love/hate relationship with my body all my life. My body has enabled me to do so many wonderful things, but so many times I have punished it for 'failing' me when things have not gone according to plan. At school I starved myself down to 6 stone from 9 stone in 4 months. I literally stopped eating when the pressure of being a high performing pupil and the demands placed upon me were too much. I was a shadow both physically and mentally of myself and it was only the distress I saw in my family that pulled me from the brink of what could have been life threatening. The determination I showed to make myself thin I then challenged into making myself better. I was appalled with the person I had become and didn't want the rest of my life to be governed by food. I went to university, became a small fish in a big pond and had a blissful three years surrounded by like minded sporty people, drank a lot of beer, probably put on 8 stone, but I was truly happy both inside and out and that I realised was what mattered. It took me a long time to feel 'normal' again and to see food as fuel and something to be enjoyed not avoided. So why think of this now 15 years down the line? Because after what I classed as a bit of a disappointing race at SDW 50 the first thing I thought about doing was losing some weight before my next race. OF COURSE I know this is not the answer. The first thing I should have thought was how am I going to get stronger (and beat Paul). But our modern minds seem to be channelled into thinking that thin is strong, that womens body's should show no ounce of muscle or fat. This is crazy, I know I should be proud of what my body is able to achieve. It has given me two wonderful (ahem) boys, endured hours and hours of training and racing. It rarely breaks down and asks for nothing. Yet I feel that I am somehow embarrassed by it shapes and wrinkles. That the scars from childbirth and nursing are somehow to be ashamed of. That the fact I cant fit my calves into any normal trousers or have any need for a bra should be hidden. So my first step to becoming a stronger and faster runner is to embrace my strength. Use my strengths to make me a more confident runner rather than someone who doubts their own ability.

So with my next 12 weeks of training my plan is based around lots of strength and power training. Running hills up and down, running slow, running fast, running technical terrain whilst simultaneously stuffing my mouth with cookies. Not listening to anyone or that little voice inside that tells me I am not good enough, but embracing what I have been given and loving running with a strong body and confident mind because no one must belief in yourself more than yourself.

10 Things I Learnt by Running 50 miles (or my SDW 50 mile race report)

1. Tapers can mean no running and that is OK. I didn't run for 2 weeks before the race. I was injured and sad, I was freaking out inside my head. But I tried to trust my training. I sent panic messages to my Centurion buddies. I cant walk let alone run! I visited the wonderful Simon Lamb (www.sixsecondshigh.com). Everyone said the same thing, calm down dear. I spoke to James Elson the day before the race, who said I know it will all be fine and it was. And as I collected my trophy from James he whispered to me, see 2 week no running tapers work! They do, but you have to be very strong mentally, not my forte, but a huge test for me and one I am pleased to have got through!

2. Pressure is a good and bad thing. A lot of were people talking about the race on twitter and facebook. I got nervous especially knowing that I had been sitting at home the last two weeks and was going to be running carrying a niggle. So I turned off Facebook and Twitter and felt much better. I made a plan. Life is always better with a plan. 1. Finish the race. 2. Win the race 3. Break the course record. 4. Enjoy the race, its what you love doing with the added bonus that every so often people appear, who you don't even know cheering your name and offering you snacks. 

Centurions biggest fan (after Rich)

3. Don't stress about the little things you cant change. If you have kids you aren't going to get the rest you need the days leading up to the race. I know this now and just don't get stressed over the fact that I haven't sat down for 48hrs (slight exaggeration) and am being woken up 4-10 times every night (no exaggeration). The night before the race I was battling with a 3 year old to get back into his bed at 2am and then up at 5am giving breakfast to the 1 year old. This could have stressed me out, but its my normal life and I remind myself that if it wasn't for these two little darlings I may not have the drive to be where I am today.

4. I love my great support team. My long suffering husband, who is my number one support in this campaign of mine to ruin myself over longer and harder distances. We spent the evenings before the race practising water fill ups at speed (hilarious for the neighbours) he was at every check point and he has picked up the pieces in the 48hrs post race apocalypse.  My big sister who had the kids on her own for 13 hrs. My wonderful neighbours and running club friends who came to Alfiriston where I knew I was going to struggle and then drove on to the finish to all cheer me on. The wonderful Centurion Team and volunteers who run such brilliant races and really do help ordinary people complete amazing feats. 

Very fast boys and me

5. Have a Kenyan Training pack (words of my Hero Paul Navesey http://ultrapaulo.wordpress.com/) or just train with people who are way better than you so you spend all the time sweating and swearing behind them. If you can put up with the pain, it does make you faster. I love training hard, it was perhaps to my detriment that I trained too hard on the long runs running harder than I needed, but it was a lot of fun and many happy memories of laughing over the South Downs,  mainly at Rich Ashton (who finished a very impressive 2nd place and is the funniest person I know http://icesnowfearandlaughter.blogspot.co.uk/)

6.  Know the course. I had run every inch of that course a number of times, Steyning Stinger marathon, Three Forts Marathon and three times with different combinations of really fast boys. I had even gone as far as to replicate the inclines and distance of the hills on treadmill sessions during school lunch breaks. You cant fault my drive. I knew where all the 'hard' sections were. perhaps this was to my detriment, I knew what was coming and spent the miles before  dreading it rather than concentrating on what I was actually doing. Lesson learnt.

Photo courtesy of Simon Hayward

7. When you feel rubbish after 15 miles don't be scared to keep your sunglasses on even though it may be slightly raining and foggy . I felt sluggish, my quads were already like blocks of wood, I couldn't maintain my target pace without trying too hard. So I put on my sunglasses. My sunglasses and I have been through a lot. We have trained and raced around the world together, they have collected more sweat than my lucky running knickers. They are my go to when I need to concentrate. I needed to concentrate on Saturday. My mind was full of, ow my foot hurts, I'm not going to finish this again, everyone is going to be so disappointed if I don't perform. I put the sunglasses on and went back to the plan. 1. Finish, 2. Win, 3. Break the course record. 4. Enjoy it and repeat

8. If I don't eat I lose my head. I didn't eat enough.  4 gels, 1 bar and 2-3 bottles of electrolyte. Once my blood glucose drops I lose the ability to rationalise the importance of eating and start to believe I am invincible. This is the time when I also drop off pace, start plodding, lose all competitive drive and want to lie down and die. My stomach kept cramping and I had to keep stopping, I thought if I didn't eat I could just hold it together for the last 10 miles, I feared if I put anything into my stomach I would end up in a bush for a long time. Instead I ended up throwing up for the next 12hrs and not drinking or eating anything till lunchtime the next day. Crash and burn. Not pretty and wont be repeated. 

9. Eddie when things really hurt and you really cant wait to see that blue banner, remember why you are doing this. Because you love running. Because you love the people you meet when running. Because it inspires other to go out and challenge their horizons. Because at home are two little boys who are waiting for your medal and to put their arms around you and say 'Well done Mummy, can we watch cartoons now?' Because by reaching to the depths of your reserves you realise you are not even touching your limits of endurance.

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10. Belief. Believe and you will achieve. James, Paul and Bryn kept telling me to belief in my training not only in the lead up to the race, but during the race too. Belief, I had written on my hand. And during the race I did nothing but doubt myself, doubt my body and doubt my mind. I am disappointed that I let all the fear of failure and pressure seep into my strength. But on reflection I can and will learn so much from this race. 

Courtesy of Drew Sheffield, who I have never been so happy to see,!

And now it is all done I'll sit back, reflect, enjoy and plan to come back again, stronger, tougher, faster and definitely wiser. I learnt a lot about myself over those 50 miles. Mostly I learnt that when things don't go right in the lead up to the race, in the race and post race always go back to why you started the journey in the first place. Always go back to the reason you run and above all always believe in yourself.

The 50 mile Question

'Whatever you can do or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power and magic in it'

My husband sent me this quote last week. Its apt for this week. As I face my biggest ultra challenge so far over the South Downs.(/http://www.centurionrunning.com/south-downs-way-50-2014/south-downs-way-50-2014/) 

I have a couple of confessions to make. Firstly I have never actually run 50 miles, 45 a couple of times, 48 in training once, but not 50. The furthest I have 'raced' is 43 and a bit. Secondly I am scared. 

I am scared of the pain post 30miles, of the final couple of climbs, of going off too hard and blowing up like an idiot. I am scared of feeling crap at mile 11 and knowing what is ahead. I'm scared of letting people down, of having a bad day, or something just going wrong. I am scared of the not knowing. 


Many times this week I will ask myself why am I going to do this and so many times during the race I know I will ask myself why am I doing this? This hurts too much, I could just stop now, I never want to run another step, that's it I'm quitting. 

This time last year I quit just after Southease. No excuses I was just hating it. I was freezing, knackered and could see no point in taking another step.  I just took my number off and starting walking to meet my husband. I cried all the way home, I cried the next day and I sulked for a long time. I was so annoyed and disappointed in myself. Why had I really stopped? Yes I was super tired, blah blah blah, but I wasn't about to die or be eaten by wolves or anything nearly that exciting. I just didn't have a plan. I hadn't thought it through and had underestimated the challenge. And the quitting hurt a lot more than carrying on for another 17 miles. But perhaps, just perhaps if I hadn't quit it wouldn't have ignited the dreams I have now. 

I will stand on that start line for round 2 of SDW50. Its me, myself and I against those 50 miles. I couldn't care less the time I do it in, to win would be nice, but most of all I want to run strong and well. I want the hard hard training Ive done to reflect my performance and the believe others have put in me. I want to embrace the pain, deal with it and carry on. I want to push my body harder than most 'normal' peoples limitations. And why? Because I don't want to lie on my death bed knowing I  hid from a challenge because I was scared of failure. Life would be so much easier if I just stayed at home looking after the kids, going from soft play to coffee shop to garden centre. But I wouldn't be me and that is not a quality I want my children to learn. I want them to always push their boundaries and question their limits. And so Im not really scared because there is nothing to be scared of. Believe in yourself, like others do, will be written on my hands. 

So whatever happens on Saturday, I've dreamt it, I've committed to it and now I just need a little of magic. 

The Balance

An awkward question... when asked by a long lost friend over tea and cake last Saturday when she asked what our plans were for the next day. 'I'm going off running all morning,' is the answer. All eyes turned expectantly to Husband McDreamy - 'you let her do this?' 'What do you get in return?' 'Oh I'm supposed to get something in return?' he laughed as we brushed over the moment, but the comment stayed with me for quite a while. When I mentioned it to my husband when we got home, he laughed it off. Why do I need something in return? This is not a bank transaction, this is our lives and we balance the responsibilities, its not about you get this and I get that, its all about how can we make this work?

Someone get that man an award.

We have been together a long time and been married for a few years now. We have been through some tough times, job losses, job gains, house moves, commuting, serving in war zones, hard pregnancies, even harder childbirths, 2 kids in 18 months, and now busy jobs and two mad kids, but we have come through it all, together. The one thing being consistent in our relationship is that we support each other. When you have two children who can together create the noise and havoc of a small country you must stick together, never let them tear you apart!

I am absolutely blessed with my choice of husband. We are the ultimate team, he is my total confidence. He knows me, he gets me. We don't speak in full sentences, we know each others train of thought, we know how to rile each other up with just a comment and how to calm each other down with just a touch. He is my backbone and I often feel inadequate to his kindness and sharing spirit. I am a selfish athlete, we all are. I want to do my training. I want to fit that in round everything else. I WILL make everything else work.  You have to make sacrifices that make your heart ache to get to be the athlete you aspire to be. And so when people say, especially at the moment, as my training has taken over family life for the past few months, what does he get in return, it riles me a little. We balance this relationship, he supports me, he holds my dreams right now, they are his dreams too. Soon enough this time in my life will be over and we will be onto a different chapter, the boys are growing fast, time will become focused on their hobbies and the balance will shift. With this shift we will move again along the scale, making sacrifices, changing outlooks and realigning our expectations of ourselves and each other.

With this balance and this total support of my personal aspirations I do have a huge fear of failure. Having put so much effort into a goal and knowing how much everyone sacrifices to let me  run fuels both my training and aspirations, but it also makes me grip my trainers with terror.  I so want to make sure my racing reflects not only my hard work, but also my gratitude to my loved ones. I know the result in the end wont matter in the least to him or to the boys, its the getting to the start line together that matters.

So the next person that asks what my long suffering husband gets in return. He gets me. He gets us.We are the balance, we are this scale of weights, trying to get everything to stay in place. We are a unit and he is running next to me even when I seem all alone.

The Slog

Beach reps with a 1 year old

I am slogging it out in training and life at the moment. Everything is tiring, everything is taking such an effort to get done, standards are slipping, the hoover is being pushed around with less and less frequency and shares are being taken out in Pampers wet wipes as I use these for every household chore from snot wiping to basin cleaning. This is the hardest part of training. You are in the middle of a big block of work, you are still a few weeks from your goal, you still have some big sessions to do. The focus on the race or goal is starting to eat into more and more of your conscious, but the race doesnt seem to be getting any closer. Sessions are hard work, its cold, its dark, my only constant companion for training is the sound of my foot fall and hard breathing.

I expect with the more training I do the fitter I become, but without the rest and recovery you can train all you like you wont get any faster or stronger. You must rest, you must eat and put your feet up. But how and when can I do this and still maintain everything else going on in my life? I have made a real effort to sit down at some points in the day, to try and eat (constantly) and really well. There are some days when I am woken at 5.30am and I literally cannot let my self admit how tired I feel or else I wont get out of bed let alone start the big day I have ahead. Always, always though with a cup of tea in hand and hobble downstairs I feel better and I do find the energy for the day ahead and training.

The last few weeks has definitely been the hardest I have worked post kids. As well as training like a monster Ive been flat out busy building up my client base for coaching and personal training whilst still teaching and looking after the kids. The week before half term saw both husband and I flat out busy, so much so that when he went abroad for work I wasn't entirely sure where he had gone or how long for (he has now come home, so that was a relief!). The kids have been so good, being dragged around various fields, hills, gyms, living off sandwiches and blueberries. They think nothing of watching people running up and down for hours on end and are very good at entertaining themselves which I think is a very important life skill to learn!

The Dream Team and me!

This weekend I did my first back to back really long runs. I have been building into this really since I started ultra training post baby. Slowly increasing the length of the second long run till I can comfortably run 20 plus miles one day and then 10-15 the next day without too much pain. So this weekend, I took it to a whole new level with just under 3hrs of chasing boys over the first half of the South Downs Way. I was a bit shattered already having had a week of solo childcare, driving back and forth from Wales, plus fitting in some seriously hard hill sessions and it was hard work. On the flat and descents no problem trotting along nicely, but BAM, slight incline and I was out the back door. Legs and breathing all over the place, no power, no strength and frankly just no energy to do anything but grind. Watching the boys lollop up every hill whilst I struggled was hard. I felt horrible, I wanted to lie down and cry a little bit and just give up. This is all too hard I just cant manage all this and still try to pull hard sessions out the bag. My mental strength is shot as well as my physical strength. But that's not me. Ive been here before. Ive chased boys up mountains on my bike, been dropped like a sack of spuds, but every single step, every single grind, makes you stronger. You have to do these sessions to get better, you have to test yourself to your limits in training, if come race day you want to lollop like the Brittons and Naveseys over the Downs. The Sunday run was a slightly slower affair, but running for 3hrs plus in ankle deep mud is hard going and it was still an old slog though with lovely company of a very experienced ultra runner who I never fail to learn from, with his positivity and pure love of running.

So happy to be home after huge weekend

Social media and Facebook makes training all look so glossy and rosy, people are all too quick to post about their amazing race results, run splits, weekly mileage and how fantastic they are feeling. No one ever posts that they feel like crap, ran like a donkey and finding training and life balance hard hard work. So here it is, this is bloody hard work, I am tired, I am having to focus totally on my family and training to the detriment of other areas in my life. But there is just this little chink of light at the end of the tunnel. Mornings and evenings are getting lighter. The winter hard miles are nearly done. I only have 3 more weeks of hard training for SDW 50. And I am managing, I am getting through the training and life. And you know what? For moaning pretty much constantly in my head about how tired I am- I still absolutely love it. I love the grind and the hard graft. Its what makes me feel alive. I love the time I am getting out on the Downs with such inspirational running pals and I am loving coming home to the best family a girl could ask for.

Why do you do it?

'Miss?'  Said a girl at school yesterday. 'Is it true you can run 30 miles?' 'Yes I said, I can.' 'Why?' She said. 'Ummmmmm', I answered in that inspirational and awe inspiring way. 'Well because really its the only thing I am good at;  running a long way in a straight line, its takes a certain sort of person...' I then launched into my full athletic history, which by then she had lost interest and wondered off to talk to boys.

So why am I doing this? I know during races, funnily enough normally during the early phases I question why am I doing this? I don't enjoy this, its too hard, its too cold, I am already tired and I am so hungry I cant possibly run another mile let alone another 40. But the moment passes, like all moments and 5, 6, 7 miles will go past where I am in my element, outside, running hard, gel, snot flying and I wouldn't be anyway else.

 Why do I this, how can I answer that question both to those who ask, but also in my head?

My second home

I recently wrote out my rough plan leading into my next big race South Downs Way 50. Looking at all the running I had to do made me feel slightly sick. The effort it is going to take to get out the door, the energy of then coming back and looking after the kids, plus the house all the cooking, cleaning, washing and working made me question, just for a second whether I can really do this. Of course, its the training and training harder than you are ever going to race that makes the races easy (well sort of), but for me its managing that fine balance of very nearly training as much as a professional athlete whilst holding down a job and a young family.

No one is making me do this, I could stop running tomorrow and no one would die. But a part of me would. Running is a part of  me and it is what enables me to do what I do, to the best I can be. Running inspires me to be a better person, to push my boundaries both physically and mentally and it inspires others around to question their boundaries too. Maybe to get up off the sofa and see what they can do with a pair of trainers and a strong dose of Eddie motivation.

So this is why I run, not for prize or glory or money or kit (well that's nice). I run for those around me who inspire me, who have come into my life through running and who I have inspired to take up running. No names mentioned, but...

My family who think nothing of their mum going out running everyday and to my dearest 3 year old who now can run a mile home with me after a session. To my husband who never gets a chance to go running himself, apart from during his lunch hour. To one of my lovely marathoner to be, who this week ran 18 miles at the same pace she used to run 5kms at and then messages me straight after with her delight. To the 'Friday ladies,' who after just a few weeks are out sprinting and out planking each other, having found a new lease of life in running quicker. To all those at my local running club who have smashed PBs in the last 6 months and turn out week in week out to run in the dark and rain and never question the crazy lady with the head torch. To the kids I have taught, those I took from non runners to national title holders, those who I encouraged to keep doing sport when they left school and still send me messages of their athletic feats. And most of all for a few friends who have had a tough time in life, but who still encourage me, message me with luck and congratulations, this next 8 week block of hard core training is for you. If you can do what you are doing, I can put on trainers and go for a jog. Check out this very special lady (http://charlotteeaston.blogspot.co.uk/)

So that is the answer for the school girl, who quickly lost interest in her dull PE teacher, I run to inspire others, I run because I feel it is what I am good at and I believe if you have a talent you should use it, not just for your own personal gain, but to help others achieve their dreams. I am never going to make a living out of running, I am never going to achieve world peace, but I hope by just inspiring a handful of people to run, their lives might too be improved like mine and that is all I can ever ask.

Country to Capital 45

Race to the Gate....I didn't contend, Im on it next year

There is nothing like a plan coming together. There is nothing like the weather gods having peed all over you for every single training session, turning their spouts off and letting the sun shine on the beauty of a hard earnt effort. There is nothing like joining a team who look after you, encourage you and will sacrifice their own races to help you achieve their goals and there is nothing like working so hard and bloody achieving what you set out to do. How often does that happen in life? Once or twice? When you can sit back and say, I did everything I could and everything I did was rewarded. And I wont lie to you it feels so fantastic!

Some of the Team....

I had a week taper leading up to the race, but was still mad busy, going back to school, organsing the kids, coaching, writing training plans, plus making sure everyone was fed and had the right pants (or at least clean) on. I did one sneaky speed session of 6 x 400m on the Wednesday and I was flying- I didn't even tell my husband, not wanting to jinx how great my legs felt or how quick they were going. Of course I did a little jog on Friday and felt like a complete slug so there goes my smugness.

James Elson and I had swapped a few e mails with my race plan on. I live in the countryside so running knee deep in mud is what I do most days, but I knew I could easily go out too hard and pay for it by crawling along the canal. I ran well at Downslink in October by running the first 20 miles super easy and then building from there. I then had a shocker at Beachy Head Marathon, so I was a little scared about my ability to run well over a period of time. I also had not run over 19 miles since Gatliff in November. Rather spending all my energy and time getting my speed back, which had never really returned between babies. I was turning out some pretty fast sessions, they hurt really bad andrelearning how to hold onto pace and dig deep when it hurts, hurts real bad. So I am living proof you don't need to run a long way to run fast in ultras, you just need to be really stupid and enjoy immense pain.

So back to the plan, the aim was to get to the canal in the best shape not spending even an extra ounce of energy worrying about anything apart from running well, tall and strong. I was very fortunate that Tim Adams very kindly ran the first part with me, he knew the way back to front and was great company, we were joined by Alfie, they knew each other through BMF,  and they enjoyed flexing their biceps at each other as we went through gates. Through the first check point in bang on an hour. Tim was a bit nervous saying I normally go through this in 1hr 15, but the pace felt good and we were ahead of the rest of the pack which is where we wanted to be so as least we stood some chance through the knee deep mud.

Tim the Train- look at the view (and the mud)

By the second check point we had been over taken by another female and a few other runners, who then continued to keep disappearing in the distance only to reappear behind us after going the wrong way. Eventually they gave up and joined the Tim Train. I was feeling good, though aware that we were just slightly pushing the pace, but I sat at the back of the group, trying to just focus on eating, relaxing and not falling over. I had a chat with Bonnie, I try to be friendly, but I am really sorry during a race I am just too competitive to start exchanging anything but a pleasant greeting.

So we reached the canal in just under 3hrs. After a quick pee stop and a hug with Tim (the train), Alfie and I ran on. 8 mins miles was the advised pace, we dialled this in and started the long slog home. We were  in 8th and 9th place. I took one sneaky look behind and couldnt see Bonnie. I vowed not to look again. It was my race to lose now.

Yes I am crying.

After a few miles, 8 mins miles felt good, easy if I can say that and we were gradually increasing the pace and reeling in 7th place, 6th place, 5th place... 7mins 15 mile pace and I felt good. Legs were hurting, hammys were tight, quads were burning, but really nothing too bad and nothing that I wasnt secretly quite enjoying. I was totally absorbed in the task of getting to Paddington, I dont think I looked up at the canal once, I did not let myself have one negative thought. My strength in Ironman was always the relentless pace on the bike, I could sit for hours grinding out a hard pace and I feel I have found that momentum in ultra running now. So we got to 39 miles, Alfie was beginning to suffer. He had been such a fab new friend, but he shouted for me to go on and I ran with all my heart over those last few miles, overtaking one more boy to finish 4th overall. Weeping as I rounded the corner to see my husband, knowing that all my hard work had paid off will perhaps be one of the best moments of my life. Not only had I won and broken the course record, but I had proved to myself that me, the athlete me, was still capable of some exciting achievements and having kids hadn't spelt the end of my dreams. 4th overall, 1st woman, 5hrs 42 mins, 25 mins off the course record.

Sitting down, mumbling incoherently, downing sugared tea and cake and then being wrapped in a blanket all felt a bit surreal. Husband is unbelievably proud, which touches me hugely as he has seen all my athletic achievements, we left the kids down the road with Grandma and Grandad knowing that when I finish they instantly want attention and right now I am not able to even stand up. We both savour the moment, chatting to new and old friends, Alfie finishes strong-he is one to watch, Tim comes in pleased, but having tired a little. We have a little trophy presentation sitting on chairs (love it!) and then I start shaking and needing warmth so we head off to the car. Back to the kids, chaos and real life. And its all over.

I dont feel too bad, legs are stiff and I am tired, but we manage to drive home without a 'nappy bag' incident (see previous blog posts), force kids into bed for 6.20pm (paid for that on Sunday morning!) and lay on the sofa for the next 4hrs coming off a post gel and cake high and eating my own body weight in chips. But I dont mind the pain, I dont mind the chaffing. I would do it all again tomorrow. There is something about this long distance running that has me hooked.

I cant thank Tim and Alfie enough for being such fun running buddies and to Team Centurion for all their support. This is just the beginning.