When The Going Gets Tough

All jokes till we actually have to start trying! 

Paul Navesey, Rick Ashton and I have something we laugh about called the 5km opt out...whatever race we are doing, the longer and the harder it is possibly the earlier the 5km opt out comes in. We run for about 3 miles then decide this is way too much effort and we convince ourselves that we will just 'jog it in' due to a sudden injury, leg falling off, nasty case of sudden ebola. Of course we don't, but the doubts hit pretty early, even for super sonic runners like Rick and Paul. But thats part of running, doesn't matter the pace, doesnt even matter the distance, most of the race is a battle with our mind rather than our bodies and 99% of the time its the mind that will win.

I have 2 fantastic clients who have set themselves a challenge to cover 500km in 5 days on their bikes and running to raise money for cancer research after both losing loved ones to this terrible disease. We have been training together for a while, starting off with a basic strength programme and lots of easy miles and have built up their distances both on bike and feet and they are currently now undertaking their 'dress rehearsal' of three days covering almost 300km. I asked for some daily feedback of a few simple questions and 3 words to describe how they were feeling. One of them, who is physically very strong,  was seriously doubting her ability to complete the challenge..where had this come from? Why was she suddenly full of nerves?  What could I do? Of course we have all been there, the week before a big event or a practice half ironman, suddenly the challenge ahead seems too big, our bodies too weak and our negative mindset too strong. Her monkey (see The Chimp Paradox by Steve Peters for better details! ) had well and truly jumped onto her shoulder and was being given full reign to shout 'you can't do this, ' 'this is too far' and 'you are too busy!' (They both work and have families). The questions started and they both felt tired and perhaps the challenge became bigger than it actually is...a direct e mail was sent back to said lovely lady, saying in no short terms, ....get that monkey out of its cage...think of everything negative you can, sit and just let your worries be and then, feed the monkey a banana, thank him for his opinion, lock his cage and put the key in your back pocket (or words to that effect!)  I got a smiley reply back and just now as I type, they are half way through day 2, a text saying 'the monkey is ass up, flat out of the scene!'
What happened? How had she turned this round overnight? Well of course nothing to with physical strength, but..  Belief. She needed her mental strength to come alongside her now physical strength. This takes practice and thats why we train, not just the body, but our brain too. Never under estimate the power of your mind. So the ladies have found their belief. Its always about belief and sometimes you need someone else to believe in you firstly before you can do so yourself.

As the UK ultra season is getting under way and I am reaching a number of 'red boxes' of races on clients plans I have been thinking what I can give them to put the final icing on their training cakes....then I heard this great piece of advice that Bear Grylllis was dishing out to a load of celebrities pretending to be tough in the jungle. Apologies to Bear for adapting his wise words, but this is how I interpreted it and after some thought adapted.

There are three parts to racing, any distance, any sport. Use the following three statements in THIS order and see if you can turn negative sessions or races around. 3 simple key words, to set you back on the straight and narrow - Think, use your Determination and then your Fitness.  Don't be mistaken by thinking pure fitness will get you anywhere in life, without careful thought and even more determination you will (I promise- I have been there!) be found weeping by a trail...

1) THE BRAIN

Facing a challenge, any challenge use your brain; take a deep breath, assess the situation, ask yourself what would (insert HERO here- whose yours? Mine is someone very close to me, very handsome, very long suffering and mentally tougher than anyone I know.) do?
Focus on the goal and work or rework out your strategy. In a race if things start going wrong, instead of reaching for the panic button, take a moment, even stop, press refresh and reformulate the plan. Take your time. The goal is still going to have the same finish line, you might just need to take a different route. This is when decisions need to made using your mind, not your ego. And after doing this eat food, always.

2) STRENGTH AND DETERMINATION

Brain, determination then fitness

Secondly use your determination and strength. As runners, parents and athletes we are blessed in this department, there is not one person I coach who isn't innately determined to achieve. USE THIS. Relax your shoulders, pull in your core, turn off that monkey rattling its cage in your mind and let your strength and determination do the work for you. Its a lot less tiring than fighting your mind. You have a plan, now use your strength. Determination-it's free and limitless...just make sure to keep feeding it or it will tire.

3) FITNESS

Finally use your fitness. How many times have you seen a field of athletes racing off over the distance at a crazy pace when they have 100 miles to run?  How many people use all their fitness up in the first stages of race and rather than using their brains and holding back, plough on only to suffer like a dog in the final stages. Use your fitness wisely, imagine it as a bucket you have filled up during training...every session putting a scoop in, sometimes two. On race day you only have so many scoops to use..dont pick it up and empty it all out leading for the first 30km only to find when you really need it there is nothing left in the can! Keep your powder dry...knowing how strong you are and then when the going starts to get tough, the brain has worked, the determination is in place allow your fitness to show through and ENJOY the race rather than fighting the monkey and a tired body the whole way!

Brain first, determination next and then allow the fitness to flow. I believe that is the biggest lesson any athlete can learn and something I hope to teach my athletes both in training and racing.

I hope everyones races go to plan, if anything all the hard training you have put in is reflected in the results, be that a CR, a PB or crossing the finish line. And if all fails, you are alone out in the rain, the cold, you are hungry and tired, you are contemplating the 5km opt strategy and all you want to do is lie down and sleep -  use your brain, eat something, reach into that fitness bucket, take out a scoop of training and determination, pour it all over the trails and put a massive grin on your face....you are alive, you are achieving and you are amazing! Be so proud of all you have done and when you look back on this adventure with a rye smile, only you will know how hard it was and how you and only you achieved that dream. And that is something no one can ever take away.

Trail Outlaws Podcast

I recently spoke to Tim at www.trailoutlaws.com  about training and racing with kids and pregnancy. The link can be found here:

http://hwcdn.libsyn.com/p/0/1/e/01eb8fea811d44b5/topS01E07.mp3?c_id=8262011&expiration=1422463183&hwt=63b188935456c0c864bc047519e1e52f

Enjoy, its quite long, you may need a cup of tea (and a snack!)

Staying Positive Throughout The Journey

How often do you come back from a run and are happy with your progress? How many times do you think, yes I nailed that session or that was a great run everything is working in the right direction? I have access to 25 athletes inner thoughts and feelings about their running or triathlon training everyday. It has struck me how negative the majority of them are towards their bodies, their sessions, their performances. Unless its a PB they are not happy, if they have a niggle or need an extra rest. life is over and they might as well quit running now.  (Thats a slight exaggeration, but you get the gist!) The ability to look at the whole jigsaw rather than a single piece seems a very tough lesson to learn and one even as grown adults we find very hard. If we don't hit the exact figures in training we have failed, if we don't win a race or perform exceptionally, we have failed. The endless questions start, what have I done wrong, why does my body not do what I want it to do. Of course, as a coach, it is so much easier to take a step back, find the positives in sessions, races and every day training. To give reasons for tiredness, niggles and prescribe rest. To assure athletes that it is the consistency of training combined with quality sessions and adequate rest that will make them stronger, not constantly racing or bashing their head against the training wall session after session.

We cannot roll out perfect session after perfect session, but that is not the point of training. In my opinion if the session was perfect you weren't working hard enough or you are 5-7 days out from your A race and in fine tune for a cracking performance! Every session you do should come with both some negative and positive feedback, what went well, what didn't, how did you feel and what can you do to recover before the next session. If things didn't go to plan give yourself time to reflect, but not to punish, learn from it, reassess and move on. Make yourself a better athlete very simply by believing you are a better athlete. Expect good performances from yourself, but only what you are currently capable of, don't limit your dreams, but know that the stepping stones towards them may go up and down.

Competing in my last 'race' at 16 weeks 

Now at 6 months pregnant I have had to take a big step back in my progression towards becoming a really quality ultra runner. I thought this year I would be hopefully racing for GB, having a crack at some international mountain races, qualifying for some exciting races. Building on my strength I gained from the beginning of 2015. However a long term injury and then deciding to have our third child has put a halt on all this. A huge mass of disappointment fell on my shoulders as I spent 4 months suffering from hyperemeis gravidarum. Alongside epic sickness came quite a lot of depression as my body changed from the strong runner it had become to a home for our third. Delighted to be having another baby of course, but I did find the first months tough as I saw my fitness ebb away. I have some perspective now. I cannot wait to be a mum of 3, it will in no way stop me getting back to running, if anything I am more than motivated to get back racing in 2016. I am also aware (and of course slightly bitter!) that most of the women I compete against don't have kids. They have more time to train, more opportunities to travel and most importantly more rest. But nothing fuels me more than my family. I have one big dream to try and complete in 2016 and the thought of doing it with 3 young kids at the finish line totally inspires me. I want to show other mums (and Dads) that having a family doesn't and shouldn't stop you from doing what you love, yes it may take a little longer, you may have to be patient, take a step back, cope with higher hurdles, spend mrs time looking at the bigger picture, but it is possible.

So now when I read my athletes daily reports from their sessions I try and get them to constantly think of the sky rather than focus on the minutiae of each rep or interval. So you fell off the pace on the final rep, or you didn't hit the target time when you got tired. As long as you did the best you could thats all you or I can ask, reflect, be negative if you need to be and then take a positive, hold onto this into the next session and progress. And that is what I am doing for the next 3 months whilst I jog around the fields with the dog.  Getting slower and fatter rather than faster and stronger, but I am looking it all now as a positive. Every step is for my baby and my future, for a healthy delivery, for my dreams that I am chasing and to inspire my fellow mums and my children, that they too will never be scared to challenge themselves beyond their limits, to not be scared to look at the sky and constantly challenge their place in this world.

The Iceberg

I recently read this blog from one of my favourite triathletes Catriona Morrison.  (http://www.catmorrison.com) It struck a real chord with me, especially after spending the day helping (checkpoint food testing) at the Winter 100. Winners, losers, death marchers, everyone is in the same boat when push comes to shove. Ultra running is a true testament to character strength, there is no hiding from the real you at mile 75 as you bare your soul to the trail, leaving a little part of you at every race when you dig into your inner resolve.

What we see in life of people and people's performances is really just the tip of the iceberg. Underneath the water, where no one sees and only you know, is where the work is done. Your base, your support, your breadth of confidence, this is what makes up you performance, not the tip everyone can see. The tip is merely the icing on the cake and should never be used to rate how you value your work and belief in yourself.

For some this season their races will have all gone well, their PBs improved, their confidence grown and their twitter followers doubled, their icebergs will be impressive. For others their seasons won't have gone to plan, their races been disappointing, not reflecting their hard work, or thier body plagued with injury or illness, leaving them frustrated and with nothing to show for all their hard work. I know how it feels to be both .I started this year so well with a record breaking run at Country to Capital, topped up with another course record and win at SDW 50, then a joint first and 7th in the world at Wings for Life and a 50km win at the Weald Challenge...my iceberg was tall and strong, but underneath the water things weren't what they should have been. From March I was running in pain, the cracks were beginning to show in my base and slowly they got bigger and bigger until there was nothing left to hold me up and I came crashing down. I had let my running become bigger than myself. I had believed my running to be a judge as to who I was. When it was taken away, I realised that I had done nothing to support this running habit, I had nothing else to show for my hard work apart from trophies and t shirts. Running had not given me real confidence or belief in myself, instead as my body said 'woah there slow down girlfriend,' my mind had fought against it, totally believing that if I didn't keep running the world may possibly end.

Without an iceberg the last couple of months I have had nothing to show for my efforts. No wonderful feelings of winning races, training runs with Paul and Rick or filling out my training log. Instead I have had to go solo, build myself up slowly, brick by brick. In the end, I have learnt, no one can help you overcome injury, but yourself and that relentless determination you used to push yourself in training and races. If you want to compete in running and like me you want to compete for years, not just be a flash in the pan for a couple of seasons, you must make sure you heal the cracks before ploughing on. Your running must not be all about the good stuff, the glittering iceberg that shines so bright and everyone wants to see and be part of. Your running must be bigger than that. It must come from a base so strong, a belief in your ability and a foundation of strength and solid movement. There will be cracks, there will be storms, but if you can weather the rough, just imagine how good it will be on a beautiful day.

It may take me a while to get back to where I was, but without a doubt next year, the next decade I will be a runner again. I will never take for granted again moving through the fields at dawn. I know I will moan that I am tired, that I can't be bothered, but I know that putting on my trainers and heading out the door will never feel quite the same. Underneath my running I am a different person, I am me with strength, with belief. I know me better than I thought I did. So come on. Check your foundations. Check your strength. Only you know how hard you work, make it count and belief in yourself. Bad races, seasons come and go, but you, well you, you last a lifetime.

Pressing Restart

At the beginning of the year I flew around the Country to Capital course, I was in great shape, not super fit, but really good, strong winter fitness, I hadn't run over 60 miles in training, clocked a couple of 20 mile long runs in the mud, but mostly had been doing lots of steady runs with some short intervals thrown in. I felt that this was going to be my year and was so pumped at all the races I had planned. And then slowly this pesky injury creeped up on me, taking over my normal life, then my running life and it has now completely taken over every waking moment of my day.

Last week, after finally getting back into some running, building my mileage up from 1.5 mile jogs to a couple of pretty decent grass reps session and I was feeling OK. The foot wasn't pain free, but it wasn't hurting like before just aching and a bit stiff....then BAM, I woke up and couldnt walk. The pain was so bad it hurt sitting down, I had been hiding this from my husband as I didn't want him to be cross or disappointed and in truth I had been hiding the pain from myself. Getting so used to the fact that I was always running in pain, but this was exhausting. I am so drained from juggling clients, kids, life and simultaneously trying to force my body into shape because I am so desperate to race.

This week I finally asked myself why? Why am I doing this? How long am I going to go on pretending this is all ok that I can manage this all until I crack. The foot needs your attention, it doesn't need to be swam, biked, strengthened into submission. It needs rest, sofa time and a bit of listening to. Stop slamming the door on what you know is the truth and listen to yourself. Jump off this merry go round you have got stuck on, trying to hold onto fitness, trying to get fit for a race, trying, anything to be back to how you were. Because you are never going to be that athlete again. You are never going to be the athlete who had never had an injury, who bounced back from having two kids and ran ultras whilst stopping to feed the babies half way through. Who didn't need to do strength work, stretch, could run and run with barely a niggle. Life is different now and its time to adapt. Stop and Listen.

So this is what I have told myself. Start to become the athlete you are going to be next year Now. The athlete who has hit rock bottom, who without running has felt an irrational sense of loss and identity. Stop letting the person I was self destruct the person I can become. There is no going back I need to restart somewhere different and be someone different.

This someone different needs to start by listening and learning. Being patient and most of all being kind to myself. Instead of seeing this injury as a sign of weakness that requires me to punish my body, I must see it as a sign that my body needs a little time to heal. It doesn't need to be pushed in other directions, forced into submission. It needs a little bit of nurturing, it needs me to stop and let it refresh all by itself.

I have talked before about believing in myself, but somewhere in the last few months I have lost that belief, convincing myself that without my running I am worth nothing, merely a cleaning, cooking, clearing up machine to two very demanding children. Without races and competition to reinforce this believe I have somehow got swallowed up in the day to day mundaneness of life at home and lost my identity as a person. Believing that without my value as a runner I have no place in life. The desperation to get back out there competing has completely overtaken the sensible part of my head telling me that the world will not stop if I can't go jogging round the fields. I had totally underestimated and misunderstood that the mental side of injury in someways is way more powerful, painful and destructive than the actual physical damage you have inflicted on your body.
The same mental toughness that we find out on the trails, that pushes us to limits that most normal people will never achieve is capable of allowing us to drive ourselves into holes and then keep on digging because we don't let the sensible side of our brain pipe up, if it did we wouldn't do what we do.

So mentally I am forcing myself to heal. I am forcing myself to face life with NO exercise whatsoever for the next couple of weeks. And you know what? The world still goes on. I still wake up every morning, the kids still love me just as much, the husband still asks me a 100 times where something is before he looks, life just carries on. Really who cares if I am running? Only me. My kids don't want me sad, limping and spending my entire time on google trying to diagnose my injury. They want a Mum who is fit and healthy and happy. So I am pressing restart on 2014, starting to get ready for 2015 instead. Beginning to create the new athlete I am going to be. Yes stronger, but mentally so much tougher. The ability to suffer has never left me, but the desire to achieve which I know sometimes faltered will never leave me now.

So when I see you, please don't tell me I will come back stronger, that rest is the thing I need and that all the best athletes carry injury at some point. I will want to punch you in the face. Please don't ask me how my foot is or whether I am running. Instead I  want to hear all about your running adventures, I want to hear how you smashed out your hill session. I want to hear how you ran through the dawn and into the dusk. I want to hear how you have found a new trail for us to run on, that you have races planned and goals to achieve. I want to know that the running world is out there, waiting for me whenever I am ready, just let me get set and I will be there again, pinning on that number, kissing the kids goodbye and getting ready to fly.

Believing in your Belief

On me bike in the playroom as you do

Tough, tough, tough few weeks in the Sutton household. Morale has teetered on low to dangerously low. Teeth have been gritted and words spoken in frustration that weren't needed. The smell of a grubby gym, ingrained sweat and blisters on my hands are all signs of a runner who has nothing to do,  but repeat endless strength work. Very soon if I cant get out of the gym I may actually find myself wearing a lycra one piece and turning up to body pump with Rick Ashton.

I  have made peace with my inability to run at the moment. In fact when I do try to do a few steps of jogging it feels quite alien to me. The ability to run long distances and run fast seems a mile a way from where I am now. This seems to be the minds way of coping with, what in my head, is a sort of bereavement. Denial of the injury at first, guilt, anger and eventually facing the fact that the one thing you really love doing you cant do. My mind has now taken the running me to the back of my conscious , occasionally to be painfully touched, but then pushed back again. So I have been focusing on what I CAN do. Gym challenges have taken over my training time.

 Do you know how much fun you can have doing endless squats, calf raises and single leg balances in an empty school gym all by yourself? Well you can! I am a person who is totally motivated by competition. So I have driven myself through this period setting myself challenges, falling over backwards trying to lift weights I shouldn't, doing press ups till I face plant and triceps dips till I fall through the stack. Seeing a stronger body emerge from what was really a very weak shell has been more satisfying than I could ever have imagined. 2 babies in 2 years left me chronically weak and this injury was only a matter of time happening. You cannot build a house on dodgy foundations. Too many people get injured and dont find the real root of their problem. Many runners tell me they have 'no time' for strength and conditioning work either they dont believe in it or miles are more important than muscles. Unless you are freakishly lucky you will get injured in your running career. I am absolutely certain that adding some core conditioning work into a programme  will save yourself heaps of heart ache and it will also very quickly highlight your weaknesses.

Gym bunny

Hitting a rehab programme hard takes some dedication, life can too easily get in the way and getting out the door to get to the gym is not easy when you have a troop of mini dwarfs following you everywhere, two of which insist on peeing and pooing everywhere and keeping you up half the night. But it is this dedication I know which will make me into the runner I want to be. I am sure once I am running again  I will gain my fitness back quicker by providing my heart and lungs with the soundest structure I can. Well this is what I have to tell myself. That all these hours of lonely work are worth something, that my dedication to this mini crusade will pay off, that one day I will be running again and these rather bleak days will be a thing of the past. You have to have faith like all things in life with the path you choose, be it smooth running or rather bumpy and that is half the battle in any challenge-keeping the faith.

So my mantra of 'belief' which I have used so powerfully over the past few years I have now employed in a new phase of my life. When I first had kids, I HAD to believe that the sleepless nights, the sore boobs, the saggy belly and endless nappy changes would end and they did. When I married my husband I had to believe that what we felt for each other was the real deal and this person was the man I wanted to be with for the rest of my life and he is. And so every time I toe a start line I have to belief that my body can do this. If you dont belief in yourself and the path you choose  it will be too easy to listen to those that 'cant' rather than those that 'do.'  So through this injury I have learnt not to listen to the negativity, remove those around you, who pull the 'pity' face when they see you and instead surround yourself with the Paul Navesey's of this world who can find joy at the bottom of a jar of a nutella (it means you get to start a new jar! Simple things). To believe that you will be healed and the joy you find in both life and running will be back sparkling and new again. 

So keeping the faith I am. Faith in my body and in my mind. Storing up every ounce of sweat, grunt, last rep in the gym till the minute I toe the start line again. And in the meantime I am enjoying spending more time at home, appreciating the smiles of my children, the early morning chats over tea with my husband and taking our new addition to 'puppy school.' There is always joy and faith to be found in life, it sometimes just takes a little time and belief to appear. 

The Wait

A snapshot of a new addition to our family!

I cried in the doctors surgery last week. Frustrated that after 4 weeks of limping around I am still yet to have any proper diagnosis of my injury. I am very lucky to have some financial support so have been able to fund some physio work, but after fainting when she tried to manipulate my foot the physio did the right thing and said I think you need a scan and an x ray now. I have seen three physios in the past month, each one prescribing something different, everyone has their own opinion and ideas. So I went to the doctor to get a GP referral letter for an MRI scan. How long will this take I ask? 6-8 weeks she said. But I can't carry on like this for another 2 months! I need to move for my job, I have two children under 3. I am a serious runner which is also partly my livelihood and I am in pain 24/7. I am having to get up at night to ice it or take pain killers. I am worried I am doing myself long term damage. Yes she replied, continuing to type in her computer, that's tough. I left in tears. This seemed so unfair here I am an athlete, a personal trainer, a mum, I spend everyday helping cut costs for the NHS by encouraging people to bring activity into their daily lives and no one will help me!

The last month has been so hard knowing my fitness has been creeping away, missing that feeling of running, moving, seeing the summer season and the harvest on late evening runs and  misty fresh mornings,with the promise of a glorious day ahead. No running means very little break from the kids, there are on me and at me from dawn to dusk. Some days I just want to hide behind the sofa. But slowly and almost noticeably I have come to turns with no running, and I think this is the first stage of healing. I can't run and I won't run till I can walk around for at least 10 days pain free.And so I realised as I walked out of doctors surgery nobody is going to heal this injury apart from me.

There is no quick fix, no wonder physio or amazing pill to take. I need time, patience and rest to get moving again.

So I have thrown myself at other projects that always get pushed aside when running takes over my being. I have finally got my web page up and running. (www.edwinasutton.com). I am building my personal training client base and have about 16 online athletes, who I love coaching, though am getting a little bitter that some are now faster than me! I am spending more time with the kids, not exhausted, but able to be a little more patient, a little more fun and a little more understanding to their needs. I have been riding my bike and swimming as much as I can plus spending the time I would be running in the gym, working on what was my epic weakness my core. After two babies in close succession I suffered from diastasis rectus, separated abdominals. At its worst I could almost fit a fist straight through the separation. I knew I was running on borrowed time with a weak core, but wanted to spend all my time getting the miles and quality sessions done not doing gym work and I am absolutely sure that is a large part of my injury. 

So, I have embraced my 'kids free' time in the gym. Not being able to put much weight through my foot means adapting and adopting some strange exercise techniques, but in a strange, cave woman sort of way I am starting to enjoy seeing the strength appear. Seeing a strong foundation being built, knowing this will half the time it takes me to get back to running fitness.

So whilst other things have been occupying my time I have found that I can live without running. As long as I get my shell sweating at least once a day I can feel 'exercised' and less like kicking the wall in. Running is an obsession of mine, but in order for me to come back and stay injury free I can see I mustn't let the mental side dictate what is sensible and reasonable to demand of my body. I can now see I don't need to run miles and miles to be strong,  actually by cutting out the running I have become stronger. Now for the tricky next few weeks whilst the injury plays less and less on my mind and I start to feel the itch to run again. But I wont. Who wants to talk to  a moaning injured runner, its so boring and its too tough on my poor husband who has to witness my epic tantrums and finally its no good for business no one wants to hire a limping, grumpy personal trainer.

Morale of this tale of woe so far is, listen to your body, feel a niggle, back off, rest, go to the gym, jump on your bike, lie on the sofa. Don't take it out on your loved ones when you are injured, they are your crew and your support without them you wont be running again they are the ones you need most now embrace the rest and the time with family, come back with new dreams, a fresh approach and maybe even a little idea of a new distance to tackle!